The RelateStrong Framework
Build stronger, more connected relationships.
RelateStrong equips individuals, couples, and church leaders with skills for emotional regulation, conflict resolution, and building meaningfully connected relationships through the Pain and Peace Cycle.
THE FRAMEWORK
One framework. Every program.
Every RelateStrong program is built on the Pain and Peace Cycle — a biblical framework developed by Dr. Terry Hargrave and rooted in Ephesians 4:22-24. Whether you're looking for a one-day introduction or full facilitator certification, the framework is the thread that connects everything.
FOUR PROGRAMS
Find the right fit for where you are.
4-6 HOUR EXPERIENCE
RelateStrong | Workshop
Individuals and couples
A 4-6 hour experience for individuals or couples to learn the foundations of RelateStrong and apply them to your own life. You'll leave with practical tools for emotion regulation, conflict resolution, and relational connectedness.
YOU WILL BE EQUIPPED IN:
✓ A Vision Worth Changing for: Us-ness
✓ Identifying your Pain & Peace Cycles
✓ The Four Steps: A Pathway for Conflict Resolution
✓ Visioning the New You and the New Us
2-DAY EXPERIENCE + CERTIFICATION
RelateStrong | Training
Individuals and couples interested in leading groups
A two-day experience for those who want to lead a RelateStrong group at their church, school, or organization. Two dynamic experiences happen simultaneously: you become a healthier leader while gaining insight to help others.
EVERYTHING IN WORKSHOP, PLUS:
✓ Practicing Problem Solving
✓ Recognizing Personality Differences
✓ Using Our Spiritual Gifts
✓ Certified to lead the 8-week curriculum
2-Day Retreat
Ministers Marriage Enrichment
Up to 4 ministry couples
Provide couples in ministry an opportunity to prioritize and strengthen their marriage. Led by licensed marriage and family therapists.
Learn About the Retreat →8 Videos and Workbooks
Leadership Series
Church leaders and ministries
Equip Christian leaders and ministries with tools to engage difficult conversations around topics like anxiety, addiction, and others.
Explore the Leadership Series →Key Outcomes
Emotion Regulation
Conflict Resolution
Healthy Attachment
New Brain Pathways
Our Stories Shape How We Relate.
Our past experiences inevitably shape how we understand and engage those around us, particularly our closest relationships. RelateStrong gives insight into our pain points, provides ways to calm down and choose healthy coping when distressed, and demonstrates how to remain connected when conflict arises.
RelateStrong provides tools to:
- Overcome our pain
- Develop self-awareness and emotion regulation skills
- Stay connected in conflict
- Cultivate healthy attachment and intimacy in our most important relationships
Engaging this process allows us to be “transformed by the renewing of [our] minds,” as Paul talks about in Romans 12:2, creating new thought patterns and brain pathways. This important mind-renewing work will make our friendships richer, marriages deeper, work relationships more effective, and enable us to better live out God's purposes in all areas of our life.
“RelateStrong gave us a short-hand tool to use in the midst of conflict, in the heat of the moment…”
— Matthew and Melinda, RelateStrong group leaders
Core Elements
The Heart of RelateStrong
Us-ness
You + Me = Us
We were created for us-ness in our families, friendships, church, romantic, and work relationships. When we are thriving in our relationships, we experience more peace, more fulfillment, and more joy. When relationships are struggling, we often experience pain and distress, which can negatively affect every other area of our life.
We were created for us-ness in our families, friendships, church, romantic, and work relationships. When we are thriving in our relationships, we experience more peace, more fulfillment, and more joy. When relationships are struggling, we often experience pain and distress, which can negatively affect every other area of our life.
Pain and Peace Cycles
The core concept in the RelateStrong framework.
To grow in our self and relationships, we must first understand our responses to difficult situations by identifying what we call our pain cycle. When we are hurt, each of us tends to experience particular “pain points” based on our life experiences. We cope with this pain by acting in often unproductive ways, which then causes others to react negatively and leaves us feeling stuck in pain.
Through identifying these unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, we can change our brain pathways through identifying and acting in our “peace cycle.” This includes identifying truths about our identity and sense of safety, and healthy ways we can act in light of that reality.
The Four Steps
Transition from pain to peace by applying The Four Steps.
Living in peace does not mean a life without pain, but a life where painful experiences can be safely shared within a meaningful relationship. Turning from pain cycle reactivity towards peace cycle empowerment is easy to understand, and there is a proven process for doing this. This process requires four simple steps drawn from our pain and peace cycles. These steps allow us to stay connected in the midst of conflict and to form a healthy pattern of relating with the ones we love most.
A Transformed Self and Transformed Relationships
New brain pathways. Healthy attachment.
God invites us to be transformed by renewing our minds. Identifying our pain and peace cycles and using the four steps when we are upset or hurting is a way to make new brain pathways, self-regulate, and develop healthy attachment. The goal of this process is to see something more than just minor improvements — it is to have a radically healthy self and relationships.THE FOUNDATIONS
Built on Restoration Therapy.
RelateStrong is built on the principles of Restoration Therapy, a model developed by Terry Hargrave, PhD, and Sharon Hargrave, LMFT. The model integrates sound psychological concepts with solid theological principles and teaches current therapeutic practices including self-regulation, attachment, and mindfulness. The Restoration Therapy model is taught in academic institutions around the country.
This model has proven especially effective in supporting ministry leaders through the unique challenges of ministry and the pressure it can place on personal relationships.
“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
— Ephesians 4:22-24
PROGRAMS
Four Ways to Engage RelateStrong
4-6 Hours
Workshop
Individuals and couples
Develop personal skills for emotion regulation, conflict resolution, and relational connectedness.
Learn About Workshops →2-Day Experience
Training
Individuals and couples interested in leading groups
Learn to teach others emotion regulation, conflict resolution, and connectedness skills through the RelateStrong model. Become a certified RelateStrong Leader.
Learn About Training →2-Day Retreat
Ministers Marriage Enrichment
Up to 4 ministry couples
Provide couples in ministry an opportunity to prioritize and strengthen their marriage. Led by licensed marriage and family therapists.
Learn About the Retreat →8 Videos and Workbooks
Leadership Series
Church leaders and ministries
Equip Christian leaders and ministries with tools to engage difficult conversations around topics like anxiety, addiction, and others.
Explore the Leadership Series →REAL-LIFE EXAMPLES
See the Pain & Peace Cycle in real life.
Whether you are a minister, lay leader, or licensed therapist, these short videos show how the framework applies to real relational challenges.
Marriage
Sharon and Terry Hargrave
An honest reflection of nearly 40 years of marriage shows how Sharon and Terry learned more about themselves and each other through the tools inherent in the Pain & Peace Cycle.
Anxiety
Rhett Smith
The simplicity of the Pain & Peace Cycle structure enables Rhett to reflect on it 20+ times a day, as he discusses his appreciation of the model.
Singleness
Kelly Haer
Kelly reflects back on a 10-year period of pain triggered by singleness and how knowledge of the Pain & Peace Cycle could have better empowered her.
Leadership
Eric Wilson
Eric shares how he uses the Pain & Peace Cycle in his spiritual journey to offer peace toward others as the Associate Chaplain at Pepperdine University.
Addiction
Robert Scholz
The Pain & Peace Cycle, through the lens of addiction science, helps us understand how people turn to addiction and how we can respond in a healthy manner.
Parenting
Connie Horton
Connie used the Pain & Peace Cycle framework to better understand and help anxious parents.
History
From Seminary to Global Impact
RelateStrong (originally MarriageStrong) began in August 2008 at Fuller Theological Seminary with the mission of helping seminary students prepare their marriages for a life of leadership and service. Since then, it has grown beyond the seminary setting and is now used in churches, Christian organizations, academic campuses, overseas programs, multicultural audiences, and other leadership venues. The material has been translated into Spanish, Korean, and Chinese.
Ready to engage RelateStrong?
Whether you want to use this model personally, lead a group at your church, or bring it to your organization, the next step is simple.
